Tuesday, September 16, 2014
And to think he was still a little mancat in training in this picture... Geez Nim got huge.
I miss you every day still my boy. I know you're never far, but I also know you're so far away. I can bet you got to meet my mom very quickly and you weasled yourself right into her heart in about 2 seconds flat. You always had that way with people, even people that claimed they didn't like cats. I miss that about you too.
You had a way of making a human feel better. It didn't matter if it was a headache or a heartache. You knew how to purr it all away and sometimes just silent love.
I don't miss the getting up at 4am every morning for your shots, though I still get up that early. I do miss that brief moment of bonding time we had every morning though as I doted on you and you willingly went through all the motions.
I miss that thick, full, sumptuous fur coat of yours. I have a real furminator now. I wish I'd had it before you'd gotten sick. I can only imagine how much fur I'd gotten off of you. I remember the one time I just kept brushing and brushing you because the fur kept coming off. The only place I could tell there was any difference though was your tail! I even remember asking daddy if there was such a thing as brushing too much! I was afraid of turning you into a short furred or furless kitteh! I still have that wee pillow that's filled with your fur. It's right next to your ashes.
I know you'd rather me let your ashes go, but I can't do it now. It doesn't seem right. When your family joins you, then perhaps. Call me selfish, but I'm trying to keep them here as long as I can, just like I did with you. I ain't ready to let go, though I know they're getting old and that day is closer than I'd like it to be.
I still remember picking up your ashes from the vet. They were amazed at the lengths I went to just to pick them up. I remember being amazed at just how little ashes there were for such a big cat! But then I remembered that the floof really made you look much more ginormous than you really were. The walk home with the box was somber but yet so healing. I had always wanted to take you out on a walk but getting you IN a harness was impossible and getting you to walk was comical at best.
There's so much I wish I had done while you were little - teaching you how to go out on walks, swim in water... but you were a way smarter cat than I was prepared for - and way more stubborn too!
I'll never forget you being a little lad darting out of the nest as quietly as you could so as not to alert mama that you were out... or, a little older, tearing across the kitchen head-long into the bedroom door, or you somehow managing to get on TOP of the tv and nearly knocking Bastet over... or getting the kleenex box stuck on your head... Oh my, the memories.
Everyone that ever knew you loved you. Your nurse when you got snipped (well, lasered), didn't even want to let you go, not because you weren't ready, but because she'd fallen so much in love with you! When you nearly left us the first time, the nurses spoiled you rotten and the one even called you "shexy" (obviously someone else read the Mutts comic strip lol). Dr. H and especially Dr. B had such a vested interest in you, and I know it saddened Dr. H, who had finally seen what was wrong and gave you another chance to survive to have to be the one to let you go.
Because of you other kitties lived. Because of you Dr. B knew how to go about treating other diabetic kitties with what was, at that time, a new insulin for kitties. And though we lost you, other kitties had a voice and other humans got the assurance that it wasn't a death sentence.
I LOVE YOU Nim.
Nothing will change that.
Nothing CAN change it.