Sunday, July 26, 2009

A little more...

I've had several people tell me along the way that depression's "all in my head" - and they're kinda right. It IS all in my head - in the brain chemistry! There were events along the way that triggered a lot of it, but I can't pinpoint a time in my life when I had no clue what depression was. I merely didn't have a name to put on it, and even if I had, it was NEVER admitted to. I even had a teacher once in high school tell me that kids "have no reason to be depressed" - obviously he'd never been stressed out to the max, harassed inside and outside of school, starving and alone. OBVIOUSLY! He probably had plenty of siblings, decently well-off if not wealthy parents, and didn't have to even think about where dinner was going to come from. Oh I wish I had that life - wait, no I don't. I could've done without the people telling me I was worthless just like my Mom supposedly was. I could've done without all the nights of going to bed hungry or worrying if we were going to have a roof over our heads the next month. But everything I went through taught me how to be self-reliant, though it took me a little while longer than normal to put all the pieces together. I just wish I'd had someone along the way to sit down with me and give me some advice as to how to deal with all of the shit!
So here's my point.
With all the budget cuts and crap we're all going through as a country, we really cannot afford to cut back in our schools. Our kids are already falling behind, and we've completely abandoned teaching them coping lessons. We've all but given our teachers a free pass to teach as they wish and not as best suits the children. Kids are forced to "work together" and then the teachers ignore when one or two kids do all the work and the rest just sit back and watch, doing nothing or when one or two kids get shut out of the project. Kids need to know how to work together AND individually. They need to be guided along stressful times so they have something to fall back on when times get tough later on in life.
But all the blame doesn't lie solely on the teachers. Parents need to wake up. Quit spoiling your kids, for pete's sake. I know you want to, but for their sake, DON'T. They won't have everything handed to them in adulthood, quit teaching them they will by giving them everything they want now. Make them work for it. Tell them, for example, you can only have the new gaming console if you keep your room clean. Make them help you around the house in exchange for that lunch out on Saturday. Get my point?
Now I know, I don't have kids, blah blah blah. Trust me on this one, ok? I truly appreciated what I had more when I had to work for it than the stuff that was just given to me, even when it was just that rare candy bar. The rare time when someone just GAVE me something became that much more special too. And trust me, when I'd finally earned that telephone in my bedroom, I was estatic. But because I'd grown up without it, when Mom had to take it back out because we just couldn't afford all the hassles that it brought up (poor apartment wiring, etc), I wasn't devastated either. Giving children some control over their situation goes a long way. Granted, hopefully, that control doesn't include packing an emergency bag every spring like it did for me, but at least I had some FEELING of helping make a bad situation better. (By the way, the emergency bag was a couple day's worth of clothes for me and Mom and something for me to do, and my school backpack if school was still in session. The plan was that I'd grab the bag and Mom'd grab the hamster and we'd run over to Grandma's apartment, which was on the bottom floor and had an interior closet.) Those were the days. *sigh* After I started driving, plans changed, of course. We watched the weather close, and when it got too close, we tore out of there "like a bat out of hell." We had our spots where we would run, depending on where the storm was, etc. But most of my life, though Mom was final judge and jury, I was included in a lot of the decision-making, and though it was stressful sometimes, it taught me to look at the big picture, not just my piece of the picture. Great lesson!
Man, did I get off on a tangent! Anyways, back to my original thought.
This week has been one of those stressful weeks at work that, if you're not careful, can drag you down into the deep gutters of depression. There have been days I just had to claw myself out of bed because I didn't want to go to work so badly. Talk about picking yourself up by the bootstrap! Not sleeping well almost all week surely hasn't helped, but pain tends to keep even the deepest sleepers awake. Luckily, *knock on wood* that's on its way out hopefully. I've taken more Aleve in the last week than I usually do in a good month or two, and that's not good for someone who adapts easily to pain medicine! But it's been a day or two since my last dose, and while I still faintly feel it now and then, it's not enough to make me take more. It's just enough to keep me from sleeping in my normal position, though that is even starting to change a little bit. There's been enough going on the last week and a half (some of which will not ever be mentioned here) to make me want to dive into a deep glass of Pepsi - but alas, I can't stand the taste of it much anymore! WAAAHHHHH! So much for that! Oh well, I don't need it anyway.
Before I wrap up, a few things.
To all of you I usually keep up on, I'm sorry I haven't kept up lately. My poor Google Reader is overflowing. I'll try to stop by later on today individually. But the two of you (or three, I can't remember) that show your kitties, thanks because now and then first thing in the morning, I need a smile to get me started. I will try to send out emails too this week, but don't count on that - I've been horrible on that front too, and that's how you know I've had a busy week! And Lin, if ya ever git yer rear over here and read this, thx - ya brat! LOL
Hugs to all of you my dear pals, and to my Aussie pals, you may borrow my blankies if you need them, I just washed them last Monday - along with every last article of clothing I could find. Oofah, 7 loads is a lot of laundry, even at the laundromat! I hope all of you enjoy your week and stay warm/cool. And Soul, I will TRY to send you some rain, but I can't promise anything!
And P.S.: don't worry about me, I know the beginning sounded gloomy, but I'm really not. Not sad, not depressed, just EXHAUSTED, tired, and plum-out done for the week already. Can't be depressed when Nimbus had the best week he's had in MONTHS!

1 comment:

Walter parker said...

Glad to hear that you are still alive Lynx and staying positive. Good Job.